How you feel is not my problem...
I've said it before, but I'll definitely say it again for the new people in the room.
On this platform, I've spoke on the topic of Healing. Actually most of my weekly words are about healing and the many stages you have to move through to at least feel a little healed.
I've gone through them all. Denial, Blaming outside forces, acceptance of the issue or trauma being faced. Everything under the sun! And of course taking accountability came at the V E R Y end.
If you start from my very first blog post on Feb. 2020 and read to last week's word, you can literally see the realization take place right before your eyes. I'm super thankful for A Word for many reasons but mainly for the way this platform has become documentation of my journey. I'm hoping to document enough lessons for A Word to be a guide for those on a path to better themselves.
Within my own healing journey, I've come to realize that I've left off an important and unpleasant phase: Inclusion. Inclusion within my journey and I'm sure within others, has taken the form of projection.
I've projected whatever feelings I've had at the moment on the people around me as a subconscious way of including them in my process.
We all know how lonely healing can be.
When left alone with our thoughts of wronging or being wronged, inclusion eliviates some of the accountability that's supposed to make its way through.
Many of us vent to those around us without asking permission. Some of us place our people into distraction roles when we want to feel something different than the emotion we're running from. And others… Well, others will push those they have wronged or have wronged them into a corner.
The latter is almost always, the most far gone because they're healing process turned into a deflection mission. It's like the portion of the 12 step program when the person has to contact everyone they've hurt and apologize.
That apology is never for the person on the receiving end. The apology is solely for the satisfaction of the person giving it, and the acceptance of that apology can either make or break that person's process.
That's when it gets tricky.
Accept my apology, or I can't heal properly. Accept my apology, so that I can feel better about wronging you and put that in my past.
Is that true accountability or have you just made your problem… My problem?
The thing about the process of healing is that there has to be a level of humility, involved to move through it without stepping on toes. You have to understand that your process is just that, yours. How you feel is not the problem of the people around you, whether you've wrong or have been wrong.
You mean to tell me you've realized your faults, and now I have to move your apology tour to the top of my schedule and if I don't, I'm insensitive?
Now would be the time within the process that you look into yourself for the validation you are seeking. And then immediately after step outside of yourself, and realize what you had everyone else effed up.
Healing is a personal process, and no one should be subjected to be a part of someone else is healing without their feelings being considered, because again,
HOW YOU FEEL IS NOT THEIR PROBLEM.