The Real villain is...

Here comes another post about learning and growing in 3, 2...

Okay listen, there will always be a few posts about progression because this journey never really ends. We are constantly learning new things about ourselves every minute of every day.

So recently, I've been experiencing some interesting changes. Some eye opening changes to say the least but I've been down in the dumps about it. Mostly because everything that has been changing in my life has been changing A B R U P T L Y! That real out of the blue, what the hell type of changes... so I've been trying to process all of that.

Within me processing, it wouldn't be me without a little self reflection.

I was recently talking to a friend of mine about the state of my life and how everything is going wrong in every way possible. And this was an extremely emotional phone call, like Viola Davis snot emotional. So I get to ranting about how I don't understand whats happening or where I'm going wrong because every aspect of my life was on track until now. You guys.. I'm looking at my friend's face through my tears and the look on her face said it all... until she actually said it all. She said "How would you feel if i told you..that I don't know what to tell you?" At that moment I wanted to cry even more cause I didn't want to hear that. But I laughed at it later because what exactly was she supposed to tell me? Like what advice was I expecting her to give me? Cause she damn sure wasn't going to hand me a blueprint on how to fix my life! This is when I realized that I'd been effing upppppp!

I am 1000% guilty of going through things and experiencing them validly but then wallowing in it for an extensive period of time. I'll complain about it and cry about it and expect shit to change with me throwing all of that negative energy around. I'm essentially holding myself back because ya girl does not practice what she preaches!

I preach positivity and being the master of your own mind but I constantly allow outside energies and my own insecurities to stop me from fixing everything I constantly complain about. Because if we're being honest, I've been complaining about the same things for a while now. Have things changed? Yes, I'm definitely in a better place mentally and I have been setting things up successfully but I've been following through with negative energy and have been doing very little to elevate from where I currently am. It's been a long time coming but I have finally realized that I am the villain in my own story. When really I am in complete control of how I handle what comes my way and I have the full ability to be my own hero instead of depending on the advice and guidance of others. Because I do realize I have been relying on outside forces to propel me forward, but thats another word for another week.

All in all...no one can save you from yourself.

With that being said, that realization can only come from within, from yourself. Don’t let the words or opinions of others make you feel less than because you’re in a place of conflict searching for a resolution. You know the truth about yourself in and out of your struggle and at the end of the day people will run with their own narrative of you to whomever will listen. But you know who you are. Stay true to yourself and you’ll find a way out of the dark.