She felt as if my comfort zone was always embedded inside of thought...
That maybe she could never lead my truth out of the dark...
In this game of life, there are always two sides to every relationship: how the other person sees us and how we know ourselves to be. We all have this idea that the people closest to us are supposed to know us front to back, but the truth is even the most open of books has a back story that the author hasn't released yet. We all save a little bit of ourselves specifically for ourselves. The reasons vary but are all very simple. We want to keep a piece of our soul sacred because we're the only one's worthy of viewing, to hide our insecurities away, or simply because we're afraid of that piece disappointing others or even ourselves in the midst of misunderstandings. Whatever the reason, we never fully allow others to know who we are.
No matter what the relationship is, whether its romantic, familial, or platonic, the element of fear is always present and there's a 'what if' waiting at the back of every statement. What if they're not telling the truth? What if my truth isn't good enough? What if they're offended? What if this was a mistake? What if I'm not understood? Fear has a way of placing the negative in front of our faces and forcing us to focus only on that. We disguise our fear as us protecting our heart but in all actuality we're doing ourselves an injustice.
I saw a quote earlier that got me all the way together: "Stop breaking yourself into bite-sized pieces so others can stomach you. Stay whole and let them choke..." We often do just that, break ourselves down into a version of ourselves we believe will be better received by others but why? Is being 100% who you are and letting that person choose to stay really that scary? I feel like its a 'win win' situation! We get to be our authentic selves and sending off who isn't for us all in the same breath. I remember my mother telling me often to stop forcing myself on people that didn't want to be around me. Hard pill to swallow but she was preparing me for the journey ahead. Not everyone is meant to be in your life and not everyone will love and accept you openly and honestly so why force them into that spot when you can make room for those that belong there?
About the featured writer:
Ryan Luc is a Hip-Hop Artist/Poet from Norfolk, Virginia. He's been writing for 8 years and was first introduced to it through his 11th grade honors english teacher. He's always enjoyed reading and writing poetry had hopes that everything he writes will shed perspective. To check out more of Ryan's work follow him on his IG: @itsluc__ and head over to his official website!