"Old scars hold memories the skin remembers..."
Leaving the past in the past is something I believe we as human beings have the hardest time doing. I think we truly don't possess the ability.
We're always longing for what once was. Whether it be a feeling someone used to give us, a number on the scale we used to see, a meal we hadn't had in ages... we are always looking behind us.
But have any of us truly paused long enough to understand why that is?
Personally, I believe it comes down to the concept of the grass being greener on the other side. I can't count or recall how many times I've said "I miss the old me" or "I used to do/feel/say this".
The past version of myself has always reigned superior and I think it's due in part to me not adequately appreciating myself in the moment. It's a vicious cycle really.
I've spoken before about wanting to be more present with myself in terms of my accomplishments. I used to achieve a goal of mine and celebrate for maybe a day and then I'd move onto the next goal. Now most people would say DUH! If you have a list of goals you have to go down the list and check things off until they're all complete. But let's think about this... what happens when we get to the end of the list? When all is done and there's nothing left to reach for, what do you do?
The next logical step would be to write another list right? Next mission, next chapter... on to the next. The idea of ever feeling satisfied within life is thrown out of the window because the goal post is constantly being moved.
Isn't the ultimate goal in life to do all the things you could ever imagine in one lifetime and to find true happiness? But how do we find true happiness if we don't stop long enough to look for it. Happiness is almost always tucked within your wins and hiding behind your struggles. Unfortunately, most of us don't realize it's there until we look back.
There's so much hope, joy and grounding within the present tense section of life.
The "now" is just as important if not more important than the "then" and the "when".
Now I'll never be the person to say, the past isn't important. What you've gone through, what you've done, what you valued are all extremely important in terms of development. They've all molded and shaped you into who you are today but they shouldn't be your focal point.
What you've done, how you feel and what you value today are the true keys to life.
There's something so special about looking around at all you've done and appreciating where you are in that moment.
Do yourself a huge favor as you're reading this...
Stop and ask yourself these questions:
How do you feel right now?
What do you need?
Are you giving yourself enough space to be appreciated?
If you're displeased with your answers, it may be time to stop and look around.
As your eyes pan the room I'm almost certain you'll find something to celebrate. And when you do, don't compare that moment or feeling to a previous occasion. There's no turning back time.
Your "right now" is critical to how your "when" or your future will turn out.
Will you have a future of chasing who you were before or will you appreciate your present and set up your mind to provide yourself a healed future?
The choice is yours, the choice is mine.
About the featured writer:
I’m Courtney Space! I am Toronto-born-raised-residing, an author, poet and creative writer. I have 2 poems published in “Notes from the Come Up”, an anthology of short fiction, poetry and art published by Words, Rhymes & Life, as well as 2 self-published poetry books: “Mirrors & Smoke” and “Hallways”. My writing journey began as a young girl- I’ve been writing poetry as early as 9 years old and I’m 32 now! I fell in love with writing when I learned how to write poetry in school, and again when I unlearned how to write poetry and tried spoken word at the age of 26. Writing helps me to self-reflect and understand my emotions in a healthy way so that I can behave and make choices that align with my best self. Writing can teach you compassion, self-love and resilience. Currently, I’m facilitating workshops with Compass Poetry, teaching people how to navigate healing and wellness through the power of poetry.
You can connect with this writer and find more of her work on CourtneySpace.com ! You can also follow Courtney on Instagram: @mirrorssmoke , TikTok: @mirrorssmoke Twitter: @CourtneySpace and purchase her recently published poetry books on Amazon!