...but I've been making outside grow from within...
It's officially fall! The season most associated with all things spooky and mom's sweet potato pie. We're watching as trees start to shed their leaves, getting rid of the old and preparing for a season of rest. Soon their branches will go bare, what is often categorized as a gloomy sight is one of the biggest misconceptions.
"A Word" is filled with pieces speaking of self-awareness, self-acceptance, and self-growth. I speak of my struggles and how my mindset has changed throughout every new experience. What I've realized is that I've never took the time to break down the actual process because we all know a change of mind doesn't happen over night or even over the course of a few days.
When it comes to my journey 3 things had to happen in order for me to change, one of those keys include self-awareness. After a long period of watching absolutely nothing happen for me (dramatic but: my blog views were low, every writing pitch was shot down, etc, etc.), I screamed curses to the world. Everything was molded against my success according to me. It took me pulling a me on me to really register the issue.
I've always been the person that believes multiples mishaps involving one person isn't a coincidence...it's a pattern. "Nothing" moving for me in every situation couldn't just be the fault of those in front of the door. The issue lied in the fact that the door wouldn't open unless I unlocked it. I was my own worst enemy and had no idea.
Those pitches didn't receive a response because I didn't research the correct formatting and verbiage. I thought coming out of the gate unrefined gave me edge, made me stand out..when really it made me look inexperienced. My blog views were low because I dropped a piece and expected the support because I knew the hard work that went behind it. I relied on the support of my loved ones to assist in exposure when really I should have been pushing myself, studying the algorithm, and establishing my brand in real time. I half-assed what was supposed to be my passion. We always hear "If you're gonna do something, do the whole thing" and it couldn't be any closer to the truth.
After dragging myself for being my own roadblock, self-acceptance soon rolled in. Why am I like this?
Because. That's it. That's the answer. Because. Because I'm entitled, yes what the older generations have preached through their misdirected emotions about their lives is indeed true. I am amongst the entitled millennials that feel we deserve the world. And while at a point I believed that in the most self-absorbed sense, this time I believe it in every sense of the expression. I am entitled to all that I want in this life while I'm still allowed to live it.
That hunger and that drive to have everything I've ever dreamed of became another hinderance. I wanted it all and I wanted it all right now. I started one project and sped through it to get to the next. I neglected my stable responsibilities (my many jobs) to focus solely on my passion and almost lost what gave me the freedom to be the true multi-hyphenate that I am. I tried to grab everything that appealed to the eye.
Sidebar... With the help of my mommy,I've recently took up planting (by planting I mean buying and repotting fully grown plants) as a way to create peace within my space. In my newfound hobby I've come to understand that giving too much attention to one thing will hurt in the end. You can't water one plant everyday and neglect the rest. Now one plant is drowning and the others are dry and thirsty, and you have a room full of dead plants... dream metaphor? I forgot where I was going with that one...
Essentially, I created a system to manage it all. I spent one day focused solely on "A Word", created a steady work schedule that didn't overwhelm me and watered each piece of my passion solely based on the demand from each. As a true Taurus I MUST HAVE A ROUTINE. Without one I am nothing. A mess. No good.
Self-growth didn't come at a particular time, but rather occurred gradually in every situation. Throughout each of my many awakenings, I took the time to be as intentional with myself and my lessons as possible. This is going to sound cliché as a writer but I began journaling. Not Moesha style, sittin up in my room but rather picking up any old pen and whatever paper is near me at the moment and writing down my lesson as it occurs to me in real time. There's nothing like realizing you're doing the most then writing down exactly how you felt in that realization. What you wore, who you were with, the exact word for word interaction that woke you the hell up... a true read. I look back at these occurrences and reflect on where I was and what needed to be done to level up within myself.
Essentially what I'm getting at is that my growth depends solely on myself. I had to do more than preach about doing the work waiting for the universe to follow suit. I had to shed those old habits to make space for the good that was to grow in their place.
"...funny how I use you for inspiration. Crazy how I don't know you, yet I bet... you're everything I've dreamt of"
About the featured writer:
Christopher Mann is no stranger to "A Word". He's an amazing author that was a featured writer on the original "In My Own Words". He's been writing for 10 years and wants people to receive inspiration from his work.
He's published people! Releasing his first book "Something Not Expected" in Feb. 2020 to his latest release "Boys Like Flowers Too". He's a powerful poet that wishes to bring love and light to all through his words.
To check out more of Christopher's work follow his Instagram page: @ichristhepoet and purchase his book(s) available on Amazon!