"painting the room with warmth and love, when will I receive the same..."
Reciprocation: (noun) a mutual understanding; a return in kind or of like value; a returning usually of something given
Sounds simple right? I give, you give...on a continual loop sounds easy enough.
I've since learned that reciprocation is based on a "perfect world" scenario.
In a perfect world, we'd all be willing and able to give any part of ourselves and receive the same in return. The unfortunate piece to that puzzle is that we are not in control of the will of others.
What I mean by that is, our expectations of others is not always their reality. Reciprocation is a concept rooted in selfishness. Now before I trigger someone, not all selfishness is negative. If you're giving someone something whether it be advice or support, you're expecting to get it back the same way. But the reality of that is not everyone can give in the same way you can.
Whenever reciprocation is mentioned it's usually because there's a lack of it in some aspect but is it a lack in general or is it a lack based on your expectations? Some people don't have the capacity, some aren't in the right mental space, some people have given enough and just want to receive. Everyone is at a different place and has different versions of things we see and feel.
I saw a TikTok last week where a creator was acting out a scene of a love language not being met by her partner and how she handled it. In this case her love language was "gift giving". She detailed how she bought her partner a gift simply because the item made her think of them. When presented with the gift, her partner was thankful and said nothing else of it. Some time passed and the creator expected to receive a gift based on the gift given prior because gift giving was how SHE wanted to receive love. She was upset and brought the matter to her partner who detailed that they didn't intend to hurt or upset her. The partner detailed how in return they took care of things around the house and took care of extra things in an attempt to reciprocate. Her partner still gave her the love she wanted just not in the way she expected.
In addition to life experiences and having my own partner with opposite love languages, that TikTok reminded me that not everyone is going to think, move and feel the way you do.
I'm in no way saying you don't deserve to get what you give. What I am saying is the way someone returns the favor may look a little different than the way you imagined it to.
This doesn't mean the other person isn't giving you what you need, it just means they're giving with what they have...doing the best with what they got...
Now if you're like most people and you want your shit back the way you gave it, you have some deciding to do. Are you okay with taking people for who they are and their version of reciprocation or do you need to reevaluate some folks in your life?
Neither answer is wrong, but one answer does take a bit more of an empathetic heart to grasp. In retrospect, don't let your empathy get you walked all over either. Accepting someone reciprocating in their own way does not translate into letting things that bother you slide. Feeling like the math aint mathing? Start subtracting!
About the featured writer:
Jasmine Arthur is a writer, author and poet from Raleigh, North Carolina. She writes poetry, spoken word, and short stories. Jasmine's interest in writing began in the 5th grade during free writing exercises and she later mastered her writing skills during her senior year of highschool at Nansemond River High. "It was a wrap after that. I was capturing everything from short slogans to savory comments and soon reaching creative writing classes! I enjoy bouncing ideas or perspectives with other writers as I do in my class."
Jasmine describes writing as a beautiful outlet and a journey into self. You can find her on Instagram at @_jazzop and Twitter at @harley_baevidson. Be on the look out as Jasmine has two poetry books and glasses accessories on the way!